Easy Peasy Caprese

easy peasy lunch for two

procure in your grocery basket the following list of items:

1 loaf of crusty bread
1 basil plant
2 "ugly" tomatoes
1 package of buffalo mozzarella
1 bottle of the best balsamic vinegar that won't leave you broke
1 bottle of extra virgin olive oil (annoyingly referred to as e.v.o.o.)
1 carton of lemonade
1 lime
1 bottle of seltzer

At the bakery section, ask to have your loaf of bread put through the slicer lengthwise. They WILL look at you like you have six heads, but insist that if they don't slice the bread properly, you will slice THEM (producing a cleverly hidden razor blade from the roof of your mouth). Proceed to the produce section. Find the "ugly" tomatoes, homely tomatoes won't do, they have to be ugly. If you found FUGLY tomatoes, even better. Find the two ugliest tomatoes and place them in your cart. Head to the vinegars and splurge on the best vinegar you can afford. Most people don't know what a good olive oil tastes like, so you can go cheap there. HOWEVER, if you go cheap with the balsamic, you may very well wind up with one that tastes like nail polish remover (and just might remove that coat of tramp red if you're not careful). get the cheap olive oil. get the other crap and head over to the 12 items or less line (assuming you didn't load your cart with the national enquirer, a carton of menthols, three bags of cheeze doodles and a diet pepsi). head home to fire up the hibachi/gas grill/george foreman/cow patty. Assemble slices of tomato, mozzarella, and basil leaves on two slices of bread, drizzle with balsamic and olive oil, and a pinch of salt and fresh cracked pepper. top with another slice of bread and grill until both sides are toasted. serve with a glass of 1 part seltzer to 2 parts lemonade, garnished with a lime wedge. and there you have it, easy peasy lunch for two
a good variation is to substitute the buffalo mozzarella (which can be a bit pricey) with cheddar and/or a scoop of tuna. Enjoy!